Team Seven's Rant
by How2BeAnonymous
Summary: A collection of team 7's rants. Warnings: RANDOM! Please review!
1. Sasuke's Rant

**SASUKE'S RANT**

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><p>Sasuke was confused. For the past three hours the thirteen year old ninja was trying to decipher the one thing they never taught in the academy: girls. Those weird <em>things<em>, the ones that followed him around all day; the reason he always looked twice before pulling down his pants to 'tinkle'. Those _things_ that somehow thought him attractive, no matter how many times he ignored them or called them annoying.

Why don't they go after the guys that actually give a damn like Naruto? Even if he already had that groupie, Hinata. Which again proves his point; the orange eye-sore was completely oblivious. The kid probably didn't even know her _name_. He'd be all like 'Hanibi? Hitani?'. Psh. Dope. He'd also be good with Sakura: they're both really loud. Again, Naruto and Hinata wouldn't be so bad either; it'd kinda be like ying and yang in a way.

How did that rumor that he 'had a thing for girls with long hair' even start? If anything, he'd like a girl with short, efficient hair, like Hinata. Girls with long hair meant that they were the 'damsel in distress' type. It meant they were weak, therefore getting in the way of his goal. He had yet to meet a woman with long hair and was strong.

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><p>"Achoo!"<p>

"Bless you Tsunade-sama."

"Thanks, Shizune."

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><p>The last Uchiha, who was still pacing in circles, wondered how <em>they<em> would look with short hair. Ino would kind of look like a librarian, and it would look ridiculous with that curtain of hair in front of her eye. Though, Sakura wouldn't actually look to bad. It'd probably frame her face quite nicely; would certainly bring out her jade green eyes.

Blagh! What was he thinking? He was the last loyal member of the great Uchiha clan! Not a flipping _hairdresser! _

Regaining his composure, Sasuke walked over to his mirror. What was it exactly that _they_ were drooling over. His black eyes were always dull and tired because of constant lack of sleep, his lips were thin, and his skin was pale. He pulled on his china skin looking deeply into every pore to see if there was anything that he was missing that would make them all faun over him.

Nope, nothing so far. It really was beyond him. Seriously, why don't they teach stuff like this in the academy?

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><p><strong>Well, that's it for now. PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE REVIEW WITH A CHERRY ON TOP! Till next time!<strong>


	2. Sakura's Rant

Sakura brushed her fingers through her newly cut hair. The moment she pulled out her ace on Kin was the moment she new: her hair was the reason she thought she needed a diet. She felt so much lighter! Like Lee does when he takes off his weights, or how her parents' wallets feel after a day at the mall!

Cutting her hair was a serious bonus... with a few exceptions. Feel lighter? Check. Look and feel more professional? Check. Show off a huge forehead that was already fifty times bigger than the average forehead...? Unfortunately, check.

There was just no hiding this massive dinosaur! No wonder Sasuke-kun would always turn her down! Huffing at the thought, she turned to walk towards her vanity table, picking up a brush to soften down her early morning bed head.

"**VANITY TABLE OUR ASS! Every time we look in that Kami forsaken mirror, you complain about how ugly we are!"**

"_I complain? What do you do instead?"_

"**Piss about it!"**

"_THAT'S THE SAME DAMN THING, DUMBASS!"_

"**You just called yourself a dumbass, dumbass!"**

Realizing her mistake, Sakura rolled her eyes. She tuned out her inner, but not before hearing a victory _**"SHARRANO!"**_ in the background.

After brushing a few more times, she set down her comb. Patting down her bubblegum pink locks to make sure they looked okay, she left her room. Entering the empty kitchen, she felt her heart ache a bit. It's been so long since she had a good descent breakfast with her parents. Stupid Kakashi-sensei, making her wake up at such an ungodly hour in the morning! The ridiculous jounin was never there until three hours after the promised time!

And don't even get Sakura _started_ on the bickering. Even if it was sweet that Naruto could get Sasuke-kun to open up-

"**THAT SHOULD BE US DAMMIT!"**

-As she was saying, even if it was sweet that Naruto could get Sasuke-kun to open up, must the only topic of conversation be how 'stuck up' Sasuke-kun was or how 'idiotic and dimwitted' Naruto was? One of these days... SHE WAS GOING TO FLIPPING SEND THEM TO THE MOON!

"**DAMN STRAIGHT THEY ARE!"**

"_Oh my Kami, would you SHUT. THE. HELL. UP?"_

Gritting her teeth, Sakura once again pushed her inner to the back of her mind. Every person, or in this case second personality, that she made friends with always either made enemies with her, or annoyed her shitless.

Take Ino-pig here as an example. One minute she's all like let's be BFFs, and the next she's all like, oh, you like Sasuke-kun too? Well that's too bad now we have to be enemies.

...Oh wait... that was her... But honestly, WHO THE HELL CARES? It's not like Ino-pig actually tried to save their friendship!

And then there's her inner. Sure she could be helpful in a life or death situation, but she always interrupts her-

"**HELL YEAH, I DO!"**

-thoughts. Okay, what the hell? And she was stuck with this one for the rest of her life. Joy.

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><p><strong>REVIEW! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA!<strong>


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